My experience
Four years ago, when I was a freshman, I left home for the first time to go to school. Leaving my family to go to school, to be honest, I feel really insecure. And not adapted to physical life. One night I remember clearly that I was awakened by my own heat. I had a high fever of about 40 degrees. , A very severe fever. But four years ago, I didn’t know that I had a high fever.
I just know that I have no strength, and I have a headache and a fast heartbeat. I asked my classmates to help me take two days off, thinking that maybe two days would be fine. As a result, at night, I was sensitive to the sound of my heartbeat. Very fast, can’t fall asleep fast.
I thought I was sick, I thought I had a heart problem. And may die. I started to search the Internet. It was said on the Internet that heart disease was scary. I paid attention to my heartbeat for several days and spent every day in fear. There are always thoughts of sickness and death in my mind. At that time, I would suffer from insomnia at night and cried secretly, but now I remember the first time I cried with anxiety.
I spent a long time in worry and fear. Afterwards, I stopped having a fever and worried about whether my heartbeat was a problem. About three or four months. I went home on vacation and went to the hospital to do an electrocardiogram, myocardial enzymes, and the results were all normal. I felt a little relieved and at the same time deepened my suspicion.
The feeling of uncomfortable heart before is not fake, nor is it fake that the heartbeat is so fast that it is difficult to fall asleep for several months. I started to be suspicious again. I feel I must be ill, but I haven’t checked it out. When I returned home, my worry and fear did not diminish. Every day, I wondered what to do when I was really sick, and what to do when I died. It didn’t take long before my body began to feel bad and began to show physical symptoms.
The first is chest tightness, shortness of breath, nausea, retching, and diarrhea. Later, if it became serious, it was my tinnitus for more than two months, my muscles were bounced and my back was tight, and sometimes I really felt sick. And he didn’t dare to talk to his family.
I had to go back to the clinic secretly, and I was prepared for a serious illness. Later, the doctor said that it was caused by neurological problems and anxiety. To be honest, I was grateful. The doctor advised me to take medicine. Because of severe anxiety is uncomfortable. But as soon as I saw the side effects, I gave up. I was perfectionism. Can’t accept this.
I went back to school after a holiday. To be honest, I thought about taking a break, but I was still unwilling. I cheered myself and came to school. Many times in school I felt like I couldn’t hold it anymore. I need to go home, especially after a panic attack.
Really insecure. My first panic attack was in physical education class. When I tested the 800 meters, I was originally sensitive to my heartbeat. After running, I felt that my whole body was not good, and I felt like I was going to die and my body was out of control. My eyes can’t see things clearly. Ten minutes is really like a year.
How to describe a panic attack? I feel that people who have never experienced it will not be able to experience it even if I describe it. I was anxious myself and nobody told me. My parents and classmates don’t know. I’m afraid they will discriminate against me if they know this issue. I am perfectionist and can’t accept it. So no one can tell at that time. No one knows that I am sick. I often suffer from insomnia.
I have continuous insomnia, sometimes I finally fall asleep, and I will tremble again, which is really uncomfortable. This disease is like this, it won’t die, won’t be mad, won’t be painful, it’s just torture. Sometimes I think, what I did wrong, to punish an 18-year-old girl like this. At that time, depression was very pessimistic, Sometimes cry.
I finally got better. Within a few days, the physical symptoms came back again. The school group activities were really a nightmare for me. I would be very scared when there are many people. I was worried that I would not be able to hold it, whether I would faint, and what to do if I fainted. These thoughts surrounded me. My worst panic was during the meeting. I felt that my brain was deprived of oxygen, and it really didn’t work. I didn’t even ask for leave. I ran out from the back door, feeling like sea water, and I was a drowning person.
I have wanted to give up and go to school countless times, but I am not reconciled every time. I feel very sad and upset. And I still have no sense of security. After a year and a half, I struggled every day whether I would be better or not. I worried every day whether I would be frightened. Sometimes I felt better, and then the physical symptoms appeared, and I cut it off afterwards. Getting long hair means starting all over again. I don’t care about it or think about it at first, and these discomforts will get better a little bit. Maybe life comes from a desperate situation. The whole junior year was my most comfortable year, without anxiety or panic. I felt that I had forgotten, I thought I was all right.
Relapse after recovery
In November 18th, I was frightened again on the road. I was a man who came out of hell and finally fell back. This fright was completely unacceptable to me. My thoughts have been resisting. , The result of the resistance was more than three months of panic from November to February 19, the more I resisted, the worse.
I felt like I had experienced a dream, and this nightmare just couldn’t wake up. I’m back to the way I was before. I was frightened almost every day, shutting myself up at home, not going out, not in contact with friends, my parents didn’t know what was wrong with me, I lied to them that I would take a certificate at home to study, if I choose, I would rather have more severe physical symptoms than don’t want Panic attacks, because the physical symptoms are much more comfortable than panic attacks.
Turnaround
Later, a book helped me a lot. “Self-Salvation for Mental Anxiety” I seemed to be starving to death, and suddenly I realized that I still had a steamed bun to eat. I started to cheer myself up and overcome a little bit every day. From the supermarket closest to home to the crowded square, it may be a day for normal people, but it is a long time for me. After overcoming to go out, I overcame a little bit by taking the bus and riding the bus around the city for a long time. At the beginning, there were many people on the bus, and I wanted to escape immediately, but I insisted on coming through it. I was terrified in my heart. Overcome a little bit.
Later, reading a lot of books helped me a lot. I realized a little and practiced it, even if it is difficult. The psychologist said that no one is perfect, and all people are imperfect.
Get well
I summoned up the courage to talk to my family, friends, classmates and colleagues that I was anxious, but I was going to be better. Without the ridicule and incomprehension that I imagined, they all understood and cared about me, and even said that I was stupid and sick. I don’t know how to tell others, after I said it, there was a kind of ease and touch that I had never had before, and I could accept my imperfect self. After I have improved, my inner strength has become stronger and stronger. The panic before me was caused by fear and fear, but I learned to coexist with them. Now I can accept and face it calmly. Sometimes I will also quietly feel what anxiety and fear are.
I found that what I was afraid of was the thousands of “what if” in my mind. Whatever the case, people will fall sick and die, and they will feel comfortable and uncomfortable. If the facts happen, worrying is useless. Although the thought that did not happen makes us painful, we have to ask me what it is like to be cured. I feel that recovery is a change of attitude. When I can coexist with anxiety, I will never suffer anymore. I I did it, I believe you can too!
